Why I'm Voting Republican

There is a video on Youtube called "Why I'm voting Republican." It is a satire hit piece that basically shows how elitist Liberals label Conservatives as being uneducated warmonging racist hayseeds who want to destroy the environment and allow evil big corporations to make profits. Why don't I act suprised? In the video "Arnold Jones" says he's voting Republican because "all other countries are inferior to us." His wife, "Trudy Jones" adds, "and we should start as many wars as we need to keep it that way." There is a soldier in Iraq who says that he's voting Republican so that he can stay in Iraq. A young boy points a gun at the camera and says, "So I can go to Iran." Gee, I can feel the drool running out of both sides of my mouth. I guess that means the the floor in my house is level. Where is my banjo?

Townhall.com columnist Ben Shapiro penned a response piece titled "Why I'm voting Democrat. Here are some excerpts from that piece along with some additional reasons from others that added comments. I've added a few of my own at the end. This about sums it up. Thanks Ben!

"I am voting Democrat because:

The best strategy in war is defeat

I believe that if I don't have enough money, the solution is for the government to take more of my money. Who needs money when gas is $5 per gallon?

our enemies on the battlefield deserve comfy hotel rooms, Pay-Per-View, prostitutes and all the benefits of American citizenship

I believe we need other countries' permission for me to turn down my thermostat

I care about the real victims of crime -- criminals

because the real cure for racism includes preferential policies based on race

because everyone deserves crappy healthcare

because I believe in minority rights (except in Muslim countries), free speech (with regard to pornography but not conservative talk radio), environmentalism (unless we're talking about Al Gore's house) and diplomacy (but never backed by the threat of military force)

because I believe that America's founders were rich, white [racist], greedy xenophobes, and that America's founding principles are hogwash requiring periodic editing from an unelected group of liberal judges."

Here are some additional ones that were posted in the comment section:

"I'm voting Democrat:

because despite 10 years of lower temperatures amid increasing CO2 levels, I've suddenly realized that humans are warming Gaia Mother Earth Goddess. Also, because I believe the only way to prevent the catastrophe predicted by highly reliable and unbiased computer models is to create a guaranteed economic and social catastrophe by cutting our CO2 emissions by 70%, thereby destroying our modern industrial economy and our civilization

because I believe the government should be able to take my property and give it to some one else that promises to pay more taxes than I do

because we should lock up all of our oil and never drill for any over here because it will ruin the environment and cause even more global warming. Besides we can always get more from our enemies

because we don't pay enough in taxes. Everyone should give everything they earn to the government so they can redistribute it equitably to everyone

because we need more illegal aliens in this country to help support Social Security (OK, the Republicans are just as guilty on this one. Credit where credit is due)

because I prefer to have everything handed to me, rather than actually working for it

because I want to see the United States tethered to the Oil Cartels of the Middle East

because no one should be allowed to make a profit

because I hate rich people, well, rich people that aren't democrats. Well, for that matter, I hate the poor that aren't democrats too

because I am a convicted felon, an illegal alien, or because I am dead... and I vote

because I want to see a mushroom cloud over an American city. We deserve it

because I want to pay $10 for a gallon of gas and $300 a month for electricity

because the only hate speech I approve of is against white people [espcially white males]

because I think any person should be able to walk or swim into America and be allowed to stay and get Welfare

because I want to see this country spend itself into oblivion (Bush is just as guilty on this one)

because I want to see China as the next superpower

because I want young Americans to be brainwashed instead of learning dumb stuff like math and English

because I am a proud and dedicated Communist in the Democrat party and I hate America

because of their emotional arguments that have no basis in truth (or a kernel of truth attached to a bunch of lies. I think it's called Communist propaganda)

because it surely must be nice to be able to give every deadbeat dad, every lazy bum and ho too lazy to work, and the dictators of 3rd world countries other people's money. I want to feel that glow associated with the redistribution of wealth Obama is promising us. Oh, and of course, I don't plan on turning down MY thermostat or stop driving - that is for the idiot taxpayers who make it all happen

because I want to be friends with everybody in the world, especially those fanatical Islamic nutters who follow Bin Laden

because I like the Democratic idea of withdrawing troops from Iraq immediately so that we can invade Pakistan (or station them in Okinawa as John Murtha wants)

because I wish I didn't have so much money to spend on drugs [I'm hoping] voting Democrat will severely diminish my income

because I can't stand McCain [because] he's a patriot. I prefer a leader who is condescending to the hoards of 'gun totin' hillbillies who avidly cling to their religion

because I like the idea of being led by a student of Rev. Wright. His knowledge of racial harmony knows no bounds

because I think he would look highly fashionable in a duck outfit, because he walks like one and he looks like one (how about quacks like one too)

because I believe that the institution of marriage should be expanded to include not just people of the same sex, but multiple partners and animals as well

because I believe that we should cut back on our CO2 emissions by going back to 19th Century living styles to save our planet (that is, YOU are going back to 19th Century living styles, not me)

mainly because I'm stupid (I like that one)"

Here are a few of my own.

I'm voting Democratic because:

I'm lazy and I want the government to take care of me. I want to spend my life playing and having a good time. I don't want to have to take any responsibility for myself. I am such a victim. I'm being opressed by "The Man." Life is so hard. Why can't we be like Europe? They can smoke pot in the coffee houses in Amsterdam

I have an advanced degree paid for by Daddy, andI live a very comfortable upper middle class lifestyle in a big home with every creature comfort known to mankind. Consequently, I feel guilty about it. I won't have to change anything, but since I believe in the right things, it alleviates my feelings of guilt. Of course, I can always drive a Prius and shop at Whole Foods too to show that I care...not that it will reduce my electric bill due to the energy used heating my indoor pool

I'm a good world citizen. I want an illegal alien to mow my lawn, another one to be my kid's nanny, another one to do my laundry and clean my McMansion, while I go shopping for argula at Whole Foods in my hybrid, and then fly to a global warming conference in my private jet

Because of my income level (which I feel guilty about....well, not really), I'll be able to invest in all the new "green" investment opportunites coming down the pike bankrolled by federal grants due to higher taxes.The fact that these funds will have minimum investments of $10,000, $20,000, $50,000 or up to $1million makes them even more attractive.The little people can't afford them. That way I can use the dividends from these investments to offset the tax increases I will have to deal with. This will put more of a tax burden on the average working person and small businesses. But come on, those people are just stupid idiots anyway. They don't deserve to have anything

Because I am an elitist snob who believes that I am entitled to control you for your own good. If I get wealthy in the process from the confiscation of your assests in order to fund my programs, so be it. I'm entitled to what you earn, because I'm better, smarter, more educated, and believe in the right things. If I get wealthy from my green investments funded with grants paid for with your, not my tax dollars, so be it too. I promise that I will throw a few crumbs to the poor, which you will be too once I'm done with you. Most of yours will now be mine. I own you. Welcome to my plantation.